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Oct. 24th, 2009

I sometimes wonder if the people I dream about, dream about me too. Not at the same time, just any time.

I wonder.
I didn't go to school yesterday. My stomach keeps hurting for some reason, and I felt really weak and tired. I did manage to go with my mom to pick Justin up from college, but I regretted it half the trip.

I wonder if my anxiety is doing this. I know I was sick, I still am a little bit. But I do get stomach pain when I have panic attacks.

I can't afford to miss school. We get like, 3 sick days.


Oh well. Tomorrow I'll talk to a counselor.
My anxiety has gone from a small annoyance to a full blown disorder. In my opinion anyway. Going to school is becoming a challenge, and even right now, the night before, I'm feeling anxious.


Blargh.


Oh hey, happy note time. I got my really cool backpack that I ordered on line today.
I get so crazy and weird sometimes.

Like, really.


I need to shut up half the time and keep what I'm thinking to myself. Especially about certain things.
I want to stop being the way I am lately. How does one do this?

I don't want to change everything, but enough. But maybe nothing at all because I really do like who I am, with the exception of a few things.

I need to think. As if I don't do enough of that already.
Been having panic attacks a lot lately.


Joy.
It's been a while, eh?

I'm seriously doing the college thing soon. Mom's been helping me look into it.

Not to much has really been going on though.


Snooze.

Mar. 21st, 2009

I know it's been a while. Been pretty busy lately. Me, busy. Who knew. Anyway, the funeral was monday. I took it better than I thought, but it was still hard, like I knew it would be. Justin came to the wake and funeral, and I think that really helped. The past week has been alright. Mom went back to work thursday and things are slowly getting better. Aunt Geraldine has been having a hard time though, so we've spent a lot of time over there lately. I miss Grandma, every day. I smell things that remind me of her lately. But I'm trying to look up, she is in a better place after all.

I've been sleeping at night now. And waking up early. I napped today, but not too late. I got new glasses this morning. I'm in love with them. Went to Aunt G's, came back, napped, and then went to Barnes And Noble. I got a pretty journal/sketchbook, and Justin somehow managed to buy me a book about knitting without me noticing. It was a good day.

Mar. 17th, 2009

Grandma died last Wednesday. The wake was Sunday and the funeral was yesterday. I'm glad she isn't in pain anymore, but I miss her. More later, I'm not really in the mood to write.
I finished that hat I was knitting. I love it, everyone's been complimenting it. And, my cousin wants me to knit her a bag! I may make little things and sell them online. Just for fun and a little extra money.

Grandma is getting worse. Yesterday the nurse said it may be today or tomorrow, so we're just seeing what happens. I'm alright. I get really upset at random times, but I'll be okay.
Also, I'm going back to school. Not yet, but mom is looking into a program. I'm so glad, I really need to do this. I slept all day yesterday, which means I missed an entire day of eating. I'm going to try to make up for it though, I'm going to work hard at this. I'm tired of always looking sick and being tired.

I'm going to change a lot of things in my life, for the better.

I've been better with my attitude, stopping myself when I feel like complaining, finding something to do when I mope around. I'm just tired of feeling so useless.

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carolineemily
carolineemily

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